Thank You for the Thank-You Letters

I’ve never shared any of the nice messages I’ve gotten from readers over the years. I don’t do this for the thanks — I’ll still be compulsively writing long after my readers have found entertainment elsewhere — but it helps. In fact, it helps a lot.

What helps even more? Cold, hard cash. Please consider becoming a patron on my Patreon. My Venmo is @sweetbeastly.

But seriously, I appreciate the kind messages, and the readership, and the social media follows (my Twitter, if you’re curious, is @BadAlexCheves). If you’ve ever thought about sending me a nice message or a story about how my articles have helped, please go ahead and do it. I’m in lockdown. There’s a pandemic happening. I’m feeling very insecure.

At the same time, if you think I’m the worst human alive, please send me a message detailing your hatred. Kiss those words with fire. Being loved is great, but being hated is fun.

I’m broke, career-less, and, like everyone else on the planet, uncertain of my next steps. This pandemic has magnified my joblessness and body dysmorphia, two things that aren’t amended by sitting at home blogging, so it’s nice to be reminded that writing still has this great, mysterious power to connect people and I get to be part of it.

Storytelling is that wild flame handed down from cavemen to scribes to soothsayers to poets to fablelists. It’s how we guide each other through dark times. If I’ve done that — I who can’t change a tire or do anything useful — then writing is worth it. It’s easy to forget that my work has a life of its own after publishing — that my inner self meets your inner self somewhere in Amsterdam, Dallas, California (three traffic hubs for me). If you like what you read or, better yet, share it, I may infect your world just by you knowing I exist. If this was life — if I was just data, memetic pockets of knowledge — I think I could live forever. It’d be an easier and more expansive existence than washing dishes every night, buying groceries, wanting more, paying bills.

Thanks for helping me survive. Keep sending me love letters. I love you.

Love, Beastly



Hey. I just saw the words “eventual book” in one of your posts. Wanted to say I cannot wait for that day! I’ll be first in line to buy a copy. I thoroughly enjoy how you write, and of course the content of your writing too. But I’m obsessed with your style. It just gives me such pleasure to read your blog.

Thanks for all the recent updates. Hope your keeping well.

D***** from Ireland, but in Sweden

Varsågod! What a kind message. The book is still a ways off, but I’m working on it. Find me someday and I’ll kiss your copy.




Hi Alexander! I just read your article about Tips on Healthy Bottoming on “The Advocate”. I just wanted to thank you for writing it. As a guy who’s never been comfortable bottoming and is always presumed to be a bottom (for one reason or another) it was very helpful and enlightening. It gave me more confidence to try things I’ve wanted too but was scared too. All of the bottoms I’ve asked for tips from make it sound so easy with bullet point tips and a shrug and a giggle. Your article was honest and helpful so I just wanted to say thank you.

Bottoming isn’t easy. Every skilled bottom has nights when they feel defeated by their own body. Bottoming comes with great lows and greater highs. Be patient. Enjoy the learning and re-learning. And thank you.



Hey there. My bf really wants to get into a wilder sex scene after we broke up with our third bf after 7 years and attended a 400 person orgy in New Orleans. The idea made me nervous as he’s a former Mormon missionary and is acting out all of repressed sexual fantasies from… well forever. I happened to stumble upon your article for The Advocate today 55 DOS AND DONTS OF ATTENDING A SEX PARTY. I read a bit and thought this is really good. So I sent him the link. Today, we went to breakfast and started discussing the article point by point. It turned into a full day of reading a section then having a full rich dialogue around the point. (And a three hour park walk!) I just wanted to thank you for such an honest and insightful article. I feel much more prepared, open and relaxed after reading your words that then inspired open and honest dialogue with my sexually wild partner.

This is humbling. My words might’ve helped, but you’ve done the work. You’ve built a connection where you can talk about all this and explore a 400-person orgy together. Many (most) couples can’t do that. You’re doing it right. Well done.



Thank you. My husband died 6 months ago. We were in a monogamous relationship for 29 years. Mostly into frottage. I live in a rural area in British Columbia and I am 58 years old. Dating is scarce. I bought an anal starter kit. I read your article 17 things to know about anal sex. It was helpful. Thank you!

I’m sorry for your loss. Happy to help, but you’re doing the heavy lifting. You’re overcoming loss and exploring again. I know he’d be proud of you.



Hello mate. I just read this article you wrote about fisting for beginners and wanted to reach out and say thanks! I’m beginning to explore that part of myself and your article was the most real and factual I had come across.

Welcome to the FFamily. We’re a mess but we have fun.



Hi. This is very random I know. But I just happened across an article you wrote for the Advocate back in 2016 I think. About how to date a Daddy and negotiate and sustsain an ideal Daddy-Son/Boy relationship…and I just had to say, thank you. I am Boy who has been searching or hoping for that ideal Daddy almost as long admit can remember and recently it has been extremely prevelant in my mind. And I want to be a good Boy or Son as well and know how to give myself value. Anyway…it was a brief article….but it spoke to me right now. And I wanted to make sure you knew this connect with this Boy here 

Thank you, boy. I’m also feeling the tug for a daddy. Enjoy the hunt. 



thank you – just ready your 25 tips on fisting … great help x

You’re welcome!



I’ve just read your article, and wow! Resonated so much with me, 15 Lessons in Love This Gay Man Learned From Kink

Incredible article – you’re my new favourite twitter follow! I look forward to more articles and insight from you. The article is so spot on. I’m definitely a ‘learner’ after 8 years into kink, and learning all the time about my Dom interests, sub interests, helpful temporary labels, everything.

You’re welcome. Remember: you invent your version of kink. It doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s — there’s no kink police to tell you your version is wrong. Your kinks are valid and purely yours. 



Hello. Thank you for sharing your story about being undetectable on The Advocate. It helped me a lot. It’s still shitty, but I won’t bore you with a sob story. I hope you get everything you want.

Stay safe, and have a nice day.

If you ever need to let out your sob story, I’m here and happy to hear it. I’ve told mine on repeat so people like you can find it. If you’re new to HIV, don’t give up. Life blossoms open. Message me anytime. 



Hi! I JUST finished reading your 15 reasons why you wont be monogamous. I. Fucking. Loved it! Thank you for sharing! It was great feeling a sense of relief realizing I wasn’t the only one who feels so anti monogamous.

You’re certainly not the only one. Most people are like us, even if they don’t think so. Humans aren’t naturally monogamous, but some are better at adhering to this absurd practice for which you now have the language for an antithesis. You are free. 



This is going to be incredibly random, but I found your article on and as a bug chaser myself, well ex bug chaser, while also contemplating my own biohazard tattoo I wanted to ultimately THANK YOU For your vulnerability, openness, and transparency.

I didn’t know about bug chasing until after I was positive, at which point bug chasing became a moot concept, so I can’t say I was ever a bug chaser. But I do want to take away the stigma and shame surrounding bug chasing — because it’s hot, real, and rarely factored in HIV care and prevention strategy. If I was HIV-negative, I can’t say I would not be a bug chaser. All desires should be recognized to best serve public health.



I am 56 years old and brand new to discovering and exploring my kinks (especially sub flogging). Your articles have been INVALUABLE in helping me understand and enter the community. THANK YOU!

You’re welcome. Enjoy your dark, liberated self. 



hi alexander (is beastly too familiar for a first message?) – i wanted to say that we love the info in your articles and your sex positivity. we referenced your daddy article in our show (i think the second time you’ve come up?), so i wanted to say thank you. here’s the link in case in case you want to hear it (starts at 21:45ish). regardless, thank you for what you do!

Thanks for sending me that! Anyone can call me “Beastly” at any time, even my mother. Actually no, that’d be weird. 



I came across your article on Twitter and had to tell you how much I enjoyed reading such clear, rational straightforward advice to navigating a new relationship. This really should be required reading each and every time anyone begins a new romance Honest and trust are truly the foundation of any healthy relationship and many people are often blinded by so many other aspects of a new love affair. Thanks again for making this idea so unambig.

Navigating new love is terrifying and probably the greatest thing in life. Glad I could help. Good luck.



Thank you so much for your articles on feet fetish and tickling. It’s great to be inspired and feel respected in spite of my kinkiness! Thank you

Friend, your kinks deserve respect — they’re not marks against you. They create you, amplify you, enrich you. Treasure them. 



Hi Alex. I was reading an article you write about fisting and i found a video from The Advocate which you tell about your experience as a hiv positive person. it really touches me, and i got myself crying on that chinese food story. thanks for sharing that and congrats for your articles.

I am extremely proud of that video. Thanks for watching.


1 Comment

  1. Hi Alex, i just found your writings last night down some rabbit hole. Reading one of your blogs, i was fascinated, I then read most of your posts. You write beautifully. By which i mean you had my attention, impactfully, amazing story telling, you have a gift. I didn’t associate with quite alot of the content and your story, you seem like a total narcissistic attention seeker, in a nice way, some parts I did associate with – but you moved me, made me think, made me change my opinions. I will keep reading you


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